when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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