Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
