Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
