I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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