A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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