OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
then he tried to convert me to islam
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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