I can tuck mytits in my pants
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He better not be in your backpack
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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