I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I smell like Dick and happiness
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
