i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
