I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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