No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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