I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
