One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Come share oat with me in your robe
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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