I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
