I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
