It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize