I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
