If that was your dad, he is hot
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
