Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
