I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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