grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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