:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
