Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
