He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
