Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
