I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
