I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
