Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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