I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
