She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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