So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
