so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
