My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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