hotel room ftw
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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