Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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