Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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