You smell like stripper and shame
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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