Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
