Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
