'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
