I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
