Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
