i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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