It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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