she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
