So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she told me i tasted like america
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
