meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
