im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just threw up on my dentist
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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