so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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