if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
