my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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