i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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