All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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