How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
