i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
