are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My vagina just recognized that song.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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