if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
