Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
