I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
