If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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