she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
