Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
