That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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