1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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