Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
