Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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