Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
