I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
