is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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