don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
