So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize