i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Randomize
