I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
