You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
