party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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