Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
