story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
