I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
