My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
