My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
