He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
