You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
