Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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