I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
