I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
