there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
