When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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