i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
