I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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