went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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