Pappa wants mamma naked
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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