I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
