bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
