1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
