Moan for me like Helen Keller
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
