I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
