how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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