I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
