this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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