Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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