I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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