Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
