Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
