Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
