Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize