there's paper in my vomit.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
