We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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