i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
