guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
