i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
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