im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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