you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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