Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
