Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
